When I was growing up, the school I attended used to have Field Days once a year. These were some of my most favorite days. In the morning there would be sports competitions amongst the various grades, things like the high jump (a personal favorite), the long jump and shuttle run. In the afternoon we would have fun partner competitions, and our parents would come watch. The afternoon activities included things like an egg run where you had to balance an egg on a spoon and run for a specific distance without dropping the egg, a three-legged race, and frisbee golf. Afterwards, there would be a medals ceremony, and our parents would watch and cheer as the top three in each sport and activity received gold, silver or bronze medals. It was always a fun day with clear winners and losers.
One item the medals ceremony didn’t have were “thank you for participating” trophies where everyone got a trophy for simply showing up. We had first, second, and third place. That was it, and even then, I’d often hear things like, “Second place is just the first loser.”
Fast forward as I grew up, the concept of clear winners and losers was all around me, from sports competitions to beauty pageants to spelling bees. This concept of zero-sum thinking started to move out of the traditional “competition” arena as I graduated college and entered the corporate world. Either you get the job (winner), or you don’t (loser). Either you get the promotion (winner), or you don’t (loser). In this arena there were certainly no “thank you for participating” trophies.
But competition can backfire. Early in my career, I thought I had “won.” I had a great job with an amazing salary, benefits, and bonus plus a high-functioning team and the office with a view. I worked all hours of the day and night to not only keep these things, but to prove that I was better than others. To prove that I not only belonged at the top but was setting the standard for what it meant to be in this position. I did such a great job that I slept very little, ate out a lot, and was always on the go with very limited, if any, downtime. It was so bad that I even worked from a hospital bed in the emergency room as I was being wheeled into surgery, more concerned about my work emails and clients than with my own health.
We grow up with the notion that competition is healthy. That it allows us to push ourselves and see what’s possible. While it’s good to keep striving and pushing ourselves to be better than yesterday, competition also forces us into a comparison trap.
Why did he get the job over me? What about him is so special?
Why did she get promoted over me? We do the same job. Why do they like her more?
This comparison trap is further exacerbated by statements like, “there’s not enough.” “More is better.” “That’s just the way things are.”
But what if there actually is enough?
The question we rarely ask in competitive environments is: “How much is enough?” When we’re constantly measuring ourselves against others, there’s never a finish line. There’s always someone with a bigger title, a nicer house, more recognition. The goalpost keeps moving because it’s not our goalpost. It’s everyone else’s.
I used to enjoy healthy competition. I wanted to be better at my job than other people. When I started my first company, I wanted to beat my competition. But somewhere along the way, I crossed from ambition into something that looked more like greed. Not greed for money alone, but greed for validation, for being “the best,” for proving I had won.
The shift happened when I stopped asking “What do I want to create?” and started asking “How do I compare?” When enough became “more than them” instead of “what serves my life and purpose.”
Here’s what I’ve learned: defining “enough” is the antidote to the comparison trap. When you know what enough looks like for YOU – enough income to live well, enough recognition to feel valued, enough success to feel proud – you stop spending energy looking sideways at what everyone else is doing. You’re free to run your own race.
A child running the egg-and-spoon race trying to beat their own time from last year has a fundamentally different experience than one desperately trying to stay ahead of every other kid. One is motivated by growth and joy. The other is fueled by fear and scarcity.
The irony? People who’ve defined “enough” often achieve more, not because they’re competing, but because they’re no longer paralyzed by comparison. They’re not wasting mental bandwidth keeping score. They have energy left to actually create, innovate, and contribute.
Moving from “You or Me” to “You and Me”
As the years went on, I realized competition and comparison didn’t align with how I wanted to live or work. You can either be in competition, with the mindset that someone has to lose for you to win. Or you can operate from abundance, believing there’s enough success, enough opportunity, enough recognition to go around.
I also started saying things like, “I have an abundance mentality” or “There’s plenty of work to go around.” Not as a platitude, but as a genuine shift in how I saw the world.
When I mentor someone now, their success doesn’t diminish mine. When a fellow business owner closes a client, it doesn’t mean there’s less opportunity for me. When I collaborate instead of compete, we all get further than we would have alone.
This isn’t about lowering standards or abandoning ambition. It’s about redirecting that drive inward, competing with yesterday’s version of yourself rather than today’s version of everyone else. It’s about asking, “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I need to prove something?”
The medals from Field Day are long gone. But the lesson remains: we get to choose whether we’re running to beat others or running toward something meaningful. One exhausts us. The other fulfills us.
The choice isn’t between competition and complacency. It’s between scarcity and sufficiency. Between never enough and finally, beautifully, enough.
And, as Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Ready to dive deeper into your recalibration journey? Discover more transformative insights on my Medium page and YouTube channel. For ongoing inspiration, catch the latest Disrupting Default podcast episodes on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
