What made you smile this week?
Can you tell me about a time you felt strong and healthy?
When I think of the answers to these two questions, I am immediately put in a good mood. I feel positive and I think about what is possible, even if I’m having a bad day.
This is an example of the Simultaneity Principle of Appreciative Inquiry. It’s the idea that inquiry and change happen at the same time. When the question is asked, I am not just recounting the memory in order to answer the question. I am actually channeling the positive feelings associated with that memory. If I’m having a bad day, recounting these memories helps me shift from a feeling of being down or hopeless to a sense of capability and promise.
The cool thing about the Simultaneity Principle is that you don’t need a coach or therapist to figure this out for you – you can start doing it yourself.
The Power of the Question Itself
The moment we ask a question, we begin to change. This isn’t metaphorical – it’s immediate and tangible. When you ask yourself, “What made me smile this week?” your brain starts searching for those moments. Your body responds too: your posture might shift, your breathing may deepen, and you might even catch yourself smiling as you recall the memory.
This is the mind-body connection at work. Our mental state doesn’t just influence how we feel emotionally – it affects us physically. There is a beautiful reciprocal truth at play as well. Changing our physical state can shift our mental state as well. The Simultaneity Principle leverages this by using questions that immediately orient us toward possibility, strength, and growth.
From Personal Practice to Daily Impact
The real magic happens when you make this a daily practice. Consider this simple commitment: Do something each day that is better than the day before.
This question – “What can I do today that’s better than yesterday?” – embodies the Simultaneity Principle perfectly. By asking it, you’re simultaneously:
- Acknowledging past progress (you’re building on something that already exists)
- Creating forward momentum (the inquiry itself propels you toward action)
- Building a growth mindset incrementally (small, consistent improvements compound)
This isn’t about perfection or massive leaps. It’s about the inquiry itself creating the conditions for positive change, one day at a time. Maybe today you drink one more glass of water. Tomorrow, you take a five-minute walk. The next day you reach out to a friend. Each small action builds on the last, and it all starts with the question.
What makes this approach so powerful is how it works across every dimension of your life. In your physical health, “better than yesterday” might mean adding one vegetable to your dinner, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, or going to bed fifteen minutes earlier. In your relationships, it could be sending a thoughtful text to someone you’ve been meaning to contact, really listening during a conversation instead of planning what you’ll say next, or expressing appreciation to someone who helped you. In your professional life, it might be learning one new skill, having one difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding, or organizing one area of your workspace.
The beauty is that “better” is completely personal and contextual. On a difficult week, “better” might simply mean getting out of bed and taking a shower. On a strong week, “better” might mean tackling a project you’ve been postponing for months. There’s no external standard you’re failing to meet – you’re only building on your own foundation, one day at a time.
Over time these small increments compound in ways that feel almost miraculous. The person who adds one glass of water each day doesn’t just become more hydrated – they become someone who pays attention to their body’s needs. The person who reaches out to one friend becomes someone who nurtures relationships. The person who learns one new thing becomes a lifelong learner. The actions create identity shifts, and those identity shifts make the next “better” action feel more natural.
I’ve seen this play out in my own life and in the lives of people I work with. What starts as a simple question – “What can I do today that’s better?” – becomes a lens through which you see possibility everywhere. You stop waiting for motivation to strike or for circumstances to be perfect. You simply ask the question and trust that the answer will move you forward.
Appreciative Inquiry in Your Relationships and Work
The Simultaneity Principle extends far beyond personal reflection. It shapes every interaction we have:
In leadership: When a manager asks their team, “What’s working well?” versus “What’s going wrong?” they create entirely different conversations – and entirely different outcomes. The first question invites innovation and engagement. The second often triggers defensiveness and problem-focused thinking.
In coaching: The questions we ask clients don’t just gather information – they shape the direction of the entire coaching relationship from the first conversation.
In relationships: When you ask your partner, “What did I do this week that made you feel loved?” you’re not just collecting data. You’re reinforcing positive patterns and inviting more of what’s working.
A Word of Caution: This Isn’t Toxic Positivity
Let’s be clear: Appreciative Inquiry is not about ignoring problems or slapping a happy face on difficult situations. It’s about the stance we take when addressing challenges.
There’s a significant difference between asking “What did we learn from this setback that makes us stronger?” and simply saying “Everything is fine!” The first acknowledges reality while orienting toward growth. The second denies reality altogether.
The Simultaneity Principle works because it’s grounded in truth – real moments of strength, real instances of success, real possibilities. We’re not fabricating positivity; we’re mining for the gold that already exists.
Your Practice: Starting Today
Here are some appreciative questions you can ask yourself daily:
- What gave me energy today?
- When did I feel most alive this week?
- What’s one thing I’m grateful my body can do?
- Who made me laugh recently?
- What challenge did I overcome, even in a small way?
The beauty of the Simultaneity Principle is its simplicity. You don’t need special training or tools. You just need to start asking different questions – and notice how you change the moment you ask them.
Remember: inquiry and change are not separate events. They happen together, right now, in this very moment. The question you ask yourself today shapes who you become tomorrow.
So, I’ll ask you again: What made you smile this week?
Notice how you feel right now, as you search for that answer. That’s the Simultaneity Principle at work – changing you in real-time, one question at a time.
Ready to dive deeper into your recalibration journey? Discover more transformative insights on my Medium page and YouTube channel. For ongoing inspiration, catch the latest Disrupting Default podcast episodes on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
