We’ve all played “Would you Rather?” at some point in our lives, whether as children or on a long road trip to battle the boredom.

Here’s the adult version: Would you rather…be right or at peace?

I don’t know about you, but that question turns something in my stomach.

Would you rather be right or at peace?

I don’t mean the “2 + 2 = 4” type of right. I mean the “We’re in the middle of a conversation and you just said something that was factually incorrect, albeit irrelevant, and I just want to interrupt you and tell you that you were wrong” type of right.

If you’re anything like me, the next natural question is, “Why can’t I be both? Why can’t I be right and at peace?”

Let’s play that out for a second.

You’re at a cocktail party and your partner is enthusiastically sharing their favorite vacation memory, confidently stating how much they loved going to Italy in 2011. 

Immediately, you feel your body tense – you know with absolute certainty it was 2012 because you planned the trip. Your partner is just plain wrong. You can feel the words bubbling up inside you, ready to correct them in front of everyone. After all, accuracy matters, right? 

So, there you are, in all your glory, interrupting with, “Actually, it was 2012. Not 2011. I would know because I planned the entire trip.”

The energy shifts immediately. Your partner feels embarrassed and defensive, the pleasant atmosphere dissipates, and suddenly the focus has moved from a delightful travel discussion to an awkward debate about dates. Try as you might, the conversation never quite recovers its original luster. 

Factually, you’re right. Score one for your memory. But your inner peace just took a big hit (along with your relationship and your reputation as an engaging dinner guest).

This is the cost of being right. There is always a cost.

Over the years, I’ve witnessed how the need to be right creates unnecessary tension in relationships and shuts down meaningful dialogue. This happens both personally and professionally. I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic – the person needing to be right and the person being corrected.  This rigid stance prevents authentic connections from forming and rich dialogue from occurring. 

The truth is, we always have a choice. 

When we consciously choose peace over being right, we open ourselves to remarkable possibilities. This shift in mindset is about adjusting our perspective to create more harmonious and productive relationships, both with others and within ourselves.

Did it really matter when exactly you went to Italy? No. Does the change in date affect the fact that this experience was one of your partner’s favorite travel memories? Not one bit (although they may think twice before providing a date in the future).  

The journey to choosing peace begins with a pause. 

Before jumping in to showcase your superior memory, and showing off your ego, take a moment to breathe and consider what truly matters in the situation. Here are three things to consider:

• Intention: Is the speaker’s intention clear, even though a few of the details might be inaccurate?
• Relevance: Are the inaccurate details relevant to the intention or do they change the outcome?
• Ego: Am I responding because my ego needs to be right or because it matters to the outcome?

Learn to disconnect and release the need to control every narrative.

Instead, choose peace by saying, “I loved Italy! It was one of my favorite places to travel as well. Where have you loved going?” 

This response allows the conversation to flow naturally, keeps relationships intact, and most importantly, provides inner peace because you released your ego’s grip on being right.

Remember, the choice between being right and being at peace is one we face daily. Choose wisely.